80: The Best Mom to Mom Birth Advice I’ve Ever Heard
Takeaways
Alicia Tate's advice is crucial for self-advocacy during birth.
First time moms often report not feeling confident self advocating.
Medical providers sometimes suggest interventions for convenience.
It's important to understand the risks of medical interventions.
Asking questions empowers mothers in decision-making.
Every birth experience is unique and should be respected.
Using specific language with providers shows empowerment.
It's within a mother's rights to have a supportive birth environment.
I had the pleasure of recently spending a few days with two dear friends who I’ve known for actual decades now. Feels like I’m not old enough to have known my oldest friends for decades but we did the math and it’s true. Anyway, the topic of birth came up and y’all- I’ve heard a lot of well meaning advice both given to me directly and from moms who were given it by their friends, and this was the best I’ve ever heard. It applies to every woman and long past her birth experience so today I am sharing Alicia Tait’s top mom advice for self advocacy during birth. As someone who will be giving birth later this year and for the second time, I am so glad I heard it.
Alicia says, “First time moms don’t yet “know what they don’t know”. It’s easy to assume that every recommendation the medical providers make is medically necessary. What I learned, following my four deliveries, is that providers sometimes make suggestions for convenience (i.e., to help speed things along) or for pain management. The issue is, the providers may make these suggestions in a manner that doesn’t make the patient feel like they have a choice, and they may not effectively communicate the risks associated with the interventions they propose.”
She goes on to point out that, “Some interventions can be associated with greater risks of complications, which can result in cesarean births.” which we know to be statistically true.
As a mom who has experienced four births, Alicia goes on to say, “I gained confidence during each of my delivery experiences, and through mutual respect and trust with my medical team, I became the leader in the decision making process. If they made a suggestion for labor or pain interventions, I would ask if it was medically necessary, and what the benefits and risks to me and the baby are should I agree to proceed.”
She says she felt empowered to make the best possible choices for myself and these questions allowed her to take control. She said, “During one birth, I declined the suggested Pitocin dose to help “speed things along” but later opted to have my water manually broken. During another birth, I declined the offer of Fentanyl for extra pain management, but did accept an epidural.” These are examples of how she was able to choose the right type of help and simply say no to that which did not feel right for her for that birth.
Alicia points out that, “Every birth is unique and new mothers should feel empowered to advocate for themselves. They should feel confident making decisions that feel best without putting needless risks on themselves or their baby.”
I found this advice so powerful and so uniquely fitting to any woman that I asked to formally interview her so I could pass it along in her words and share the helpful go-to scripts you can use which are:
Is that medically necessary
What are the benefits and the risks to me and my baby if I choose to proceed
Just using that language alone with providers demonstrates that you want to be informed and empowered. When you have supportive birth providers, this will be welcomed not a problem (and by the way you can totally kick anyone out of the room you want because ultimately it’s within your rights to do so). But I’d wager that it’s likely your birth team will welcome you to ask questions and do what feels right.
For me, I’m going to have these two questions in the back of my mind or written down for when I go into labor.
Alicia, thank you so much for this wisdom. It just might be the best mom to mom advice I’ve ever heard.